


Absolution

by thundernight



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec should be protected, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Set after 2x04, brief mention of vomiting, caring!magnus, guilty!Alec, hurt!Alec, sneak peek 2x05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:10:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9522023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundernight/pseuds/thundernight
Summary: The blood wouldn’t come out. No matter how many times he’d scrubbed his hand. He could still see it, tainting his skin in a sickly shade of crimson.20/09/2017 Now with a russian translation by AmyLerman! See notes for the link.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a rush so sorry for any mistake but I needed to put it down as soon as possible.
> 
> 20/09/2017 Now with a russian translation by AmyLerman! Here's the link: https://ficbook.net/readfic/5957761

The blood wouldn’t come out. No matter how many times he’d scrubbed his hand. He could still see it, tainting his skin in a sickly shade of crimson. He stomach churned. The nauseous feeling that was plaguing him since he regained consciousness was worsening. He had been able to ignore it since there were more important things to deal with. The demon, for once, and then Izzy. All his training had disappeared in front of his sister. He couldn’t hurt her, even if she was possessed. He knew he would have had to incapacitate her in some way but he couldn’t bring himself to do the one thing he swore to never do. Hurt one of his siblings. So he had let the demon hit him while he had tried in vain to talk to his sister, to bring her back to him. Only Clary’s intervention spared his life. If the redhead hadn’t stabbed Izzy in the shoulder, thus freeing her from the demon’s clutches, he would be dead. 

After the demon was killed, his focus was all on Izzy. He activated her healing rune and held her when it started to take effect. A moment later Jace was there, hugging him. Together they helped Izzy stand and when her legs gave out, he gathered her in his arm carrying her to the infirmary. He knew he should have said something to Clary before leaving, thanking her for helping him, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk to her. Her sobbing was like a knife twisting in his heart because he was the cause of it. He had killed her mother. 

The moment he was sure that Izzy would be fine, he excused himself and went back to his room. He passed Aldertree on his way. The older shadowhunter said something about finally having captured Camille but he didn’t paid it any mind. He needed to wash away the traces of what he had done. 

His stomach lurched again and not a second later he was throwing up, acid bile burning his throat. After what seemed like an eternity it finally stopped. Alec washed his mouth with some fresh water and looked at his reflection in the mirror above the sink. Tired eyes stared back at him. He couldn’t stop remembering the images he saw on the security camera. It was like a nightmare. He felt the walls close down on him and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. He needed some air. Without thinking, he stumbled out of his bathroom, out of his room and finally out of the Institute.

He wandered the streets of New York without a destination. His body ached. A combination of physical and psychological hurt. His chest hurt where the demon had kicked him and his right hand was scratched from his attempts to clean it. He felt a twinge on his side but he didn’t pay it any mind. He didn’t even stop to activate his Iratze. In a way he was punishing himself for his actions. He didn’t deserved healing after what he had done. Pain would be a reminder of his failure. 

Without realizing it, he found himself in front of Magnus’ apartment building. He didn’t want to disturb the warlock at such late hour but he couldn’t help but crave the older man’s presence. Alec quickly decided to go up the fire escape stairs which were closer to him than the actual entrance of the building. He had just stepped on the platform of Magnus’ floor when his injuries made themselves known. He leaned up a metal beam to keep his balance, he closed his eyes and breathed slowly to ease the pain as his left hand unconsciously went to rub his right one. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magnus was nursing his second drink when he received the call. Aldertree informed him about the breach in the wards he had put at the Institute and the events that followed. The current head of the Institute had requested his services at upgrading the magical barriers around their Headquarters. 

Magnus had felt a pang at the news of Jocelyn’s death. His last encounter with the female shadowhunter had been bitter and, to say the least, unpleasant. At the time he had been worried about Alexander’s health and the knowledge that it was in part Jocelyn’s fault that the boy was in that condition hadn’t helped. He took out his anger on her. Deep down he knew that she wasn’t the only one to blame, but the brain is blind when the heart is suffering, so he accused her and then he abruptly cut off any more excuses from the female shadowhunter. 

He had intended to talk to Jocelyn after he got Alec back but other things kept him from doing so, and now it was too late. He heaved a sigh. It was always sad the passing of someone you knew, but he couldn’t help but be relieved in the knowledge that Alec was safe. 

He looked at the clock. It was well past midnight. Too late to call Alexander and check on him. He decided to call it a night and go to bed. The next day he would visit the Institute early in the morning to take a look at those wards and get the chance to talk to his dark haired shadowhunter. 

On his way to the bedroom he caught a glimpse of a figure on the fire escape. As he neared the glass door he studied Alec. The young man was leaning on a support beam, eyes closed. One of his hands seems to be massaging the other. Something seemed to be troubling him. Magnus carefully joined Alec, whose eyes had opened and were now focus on him, stopping only when he was in front of the shadowhunter. 

“Are you okay?” 

Alec blinked slowly, shoulder sagging.

“I can’t be at the Institute”

Something was definitely wrong. Alec wouldn’t run away from his problems without reason. 

“Oh Alec”

The words were out of his mouth before he could process anything better to say. He was about to ask the shadowhunter what was wrong, but the nephilim changed the subject.

“Heard you’d turn in Camille. How did that go?”

Magnus could feel his eyes tearing up.

“Honestly?” He tried to reign in the tears. “It was awful. We had a lot of history, she and I.”

Realizing to whom he was talking, he quickly apologized.

“I’m sorry if that’s weird.”

Alec merely looked at him, shrugging. He started massaging his right hand again.

“No it’s not. Just say what you feel.”

Alec stretched his aching hand and only then Magnus noticed the scratches and the irritated skin. Worry soon replaced the hurt he was feeling.

“To busy to use a healing rune?

“I’m fine”

Magnus could see that something was troubling his Alexander. Something bad must have happened to him and he was feeling guilty. He had seen such behavior before.

“No you’re not. You’re hurting. Badly.”

He watched as Alec lower his gaze, breaking eye contact with him and looked away, ashamed. Oh how Magnus wanted to wrap him in his arms and hide him from the world.

“You hope the pain here” he move his hand to make Alec see that he understood what he was doing “will overpower the pain there” he pointed at his heart. “I wish it were that simple.”

“I let a demon in Magnus!”

Magnus suddenly recalled Aldertree’s words. A demon had breached the Institute and started possessing shadowhunters resulting in Jocelyn Fairchild’s death. Something clicked in Magnus’ brain. Now Alec’s behaviour made sense. His heart broke for the man in front of him.

“That wasn’t your fault!” 

“I don’t know what to say to Clary. I can’t face her”

Magnus couldn’t let him go on, so he quickly interrupted.

“But you will. Because that’s what you do, Alexander. It may take you a minute, but I’ve seen it up close.”

Alec was looking at him and Magnus knew that the boy was starting listening to him, so he went on.

“I went to your wedding. You blow up the very ground you stand on to make something right!”

He saw Alec scoff, but he pressed on.

“What happened tonight wasn’t you fault. Clary knows that. Give her some space and try to talk to her tomorrow. You both need time to process today’s events. You have to let the guilt go. You can’t punish yourself for something over which you had no control.”

“But I…”

“No Alexander. You can’t continue blaming yourself. Don’t forget that were my wards that didn’t keep the demon out, so-“

Alec straightened up as he looked at Magnus fiercely. 

“That wasn’t your fault. Valentine’s experiments created a demon more powerful than the ones we usually deal with. You couldn’t prevent this from happening!”

Magnus regarded Alec’s outburst with a mix of fondness and sadness. The boy’s protectiveness toward the ones he held dear was clear to see. He jumped in Magnus’ defense as soon as the warlock tried redirecting the guilt toward himself. It warmed his heart to see Alexander act this way but at the same time he couldn’t help but sigh sadly at the boy’s tendency to blame himself. Alexander always expected too much from himself.

“Exactly Alexander. It was Valentine who created this monster and it was this demon that killed Jocelyn. If I’m not to blame than neither should you. You were no more responsible than me in what happened at the Institute and I will not let you continue torturing yourself over something that was completely out of your control. I care to much about you to see you like this.” 

Magnus held the shadowhunter’s gaze and he finally saw some light returning into the eyes he loved so much. His words had reached their destination. He held out a hand, palm up in invitation, a smile curving his lips.

“Now, care to join me inside? I can heal your hand and we can have a drink.”

He watched as Alexander smiled shyly back at him and placed his own hand on the offered one.

As soon as Alec pushed himself away from the support of the metal beam he was leaning on, a sharp pain shoot out from his side and traveled to his battered chest stealing his breath away. He gasped as he stumbled forward, his free hand flying to his side. A strong arm was suddenly around his waist supporting him. 

“Alexander! What’s wrong?”

Magnus didn’t hesitate when he saw Alec stumble. He immediately reached for the shadowhunter, steadying him against his own body. Worriedly, he watched as Alec moved his hand away from where it was clutching at his side. It came out stained with blood. The young shadowhunter looked at Magnus, a pained grimace adorning his beautiful face.

“Guess I’m not that fine after all.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth Alec felt the warlock’s arm tightened around him. 

“Let’s get you inside, my darling. It seems that you’re in need of more healing than you though.”

Magnus tried to keep his tone light as he talked to Alec, but the shadowhunter could hear the worry etched into each word. 

“Magnus, you don’t have to heal me. I can use an Iratze to-“

“Using magic will be quicker. Please, don’t argue with me.”

Alec just nodded and let Magnus lead him to the lounge. Once he was sitting down the warlock carefully helped the shadowhunter remove his shirt allowing him to see the full extent of the injuries. Alec’s chest sported a nasty bruise just over the sternum, the skin was already discolored and Magnus suspected some kind of fracture. Now that he wasn’t trying to keep up the appearance, Alec was taking shallow breaths, wincing every now and then when he deepened them unconsciously. Magnus then focused his attention on Alec’s side where he could see a still bleeding injury. He let his fingers gently ghost over the seeping cut but even the smallest pressure elicited moans of pain.

“Oh Alexander.” 

Alec raised his hand, curling it around Magnus’. He looked at his bloodied side and then shifted his gaze onto Magnus.

“I don’t remember getting cut. I got kicked in the chest but I-“ he trailed off as something came into his mind. 

“It must have been while I was possessed. Jocelyn must have reacted in self defense or maybe she was trying to free me. The demon was forced out of me and in need  
of another host. That’s why I woke up in the corridor outside Jocelyn’s room while it went in search of someone else to possess. The adrenaline must have stopped me from feeling any kind of pain until now.” 

A look of determination settle on Magnus’ face.

“Then let’s deal with this one first. It’s not too deep but it was left unattended for too long. You’ve lost quite a bit of blood already.” 

Without hesitation Magnus let his magic flow from his hands and into Alec’s body. The boy tensed in pain at his ministrations but Magnus continued in his task till the angry wound and all the blood disappeared. He then moved his focus on Alec’s chest. Slowly he could feel his shadowhunter breath more easily.

Alec let out a relieved sigh when the tightness in his chest disappeared. He smiled tiredly at Magnus when the warlock summoned some of his clothes to change into. While he put a clean sweater on Magnus conjured two cups of tea.

“Here drink this. It will help replenish your blood.”

Only when Alec reached for the mug Magnus remembered the injured hand. Quickly placing the tea on the table in front of the sofa he took Alec’s hand in his and sat next to him. 

“Almost forgot this one. How did you get hurt?” he asked as he started healing.

Alec lowered his eyes, ashamed to look at Magnus.

“The blood wouldn’t come off. I scrubbed at it again and again but I could still see it.” 

When he felt lips brush the back of his hand he looked back. Magnus was gently kissing the healed skin. Alec blushed at the gesture. Hazel eyes met chocolate ones as Magnus rested Alec’s hand onto his heart. His other hand reached out to caress the younger man’s cheek.

“Never again, Alexander. Please. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t punish yourself anymore.”

Alec leaned against the warm palm as he nodded, eyes still locked with Magnus’s. A moment later the warlock leaned forward and their lips met in a soft kiss. They kissed slowly, savouring the moment. When they broke apart Alec rested his forehead against Magnus’s.

“Can I stay the night?”

Magnus gave him another peck on the mouth and smiled.

“You don’t have to ask Alexander. You’re always welcomed here.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. Comments and kudos are always welcomed.


End file.
